These are what I live for. The last 6 weeks with my girl have forever changed me. I have realized over the last weeks, that mommy hood at least on my part is sort of entered into blindly. No amount of advice, warning, book, knowledgeable friend or relative could have prepared me for what I have experienced thus far. I must say, for that I am thankful. Although most days, I feel like I have no IDEA what I am doing, the fact of the matter is, that Annabelle and I are doing this, together.
Our days are divided into moments, moments I am trying inhale in and not let them escape. Thanking God for each one, from the nights of both of us crying for no particular reason, to the sweet, sweet peaceful moments we have snuggling and sleeping. Our moments, are just that, ours.....
I have found myself the last week or so really taking in my moments with our little one, with a huge realization that they will be gone so quickly. I am already seeing a baby emerge our of our little newborn. One with chubby cheeks, personality like her daddy's, one that likes to kick her legs and hates me putting bows on her head! It has happened in an instant, as I knew it would.
All advice aside, I am embracing our sleepless nights, embracing the fact that my girls favorite place to sleep is on my chest, embracing that I have not gotten one ounce of anything done because she doesn't like me to put her down, I know all too soon these moments will morph into something so, so different.
Resisting the urging of the "experts" telling me I will spoil my baby by holding her too much, that she needs to learn to sooth her own cries, and that I need to start some sort of routine for her to strictly follow, I am embracing the moments I get to hold, sooth, and play with my girl. At 3:00 in the morning when our little AB has decided she wanted to party for the last 2 hours, and finally submits to the sleep that is taking over her little body, those are my moments. I lay with her, smelling her hair, holding her hand knowing that these moments could only have been brought to me by the Lord above. The blind moments of motherhood, when I am stranded with dog, baby, and stroller in tow, I am a mile from my house, attempting a walk, when all 3 have a major breakdown, those are my learning moments. Those are the moments my blinders of going from Tara to mommy are slightly moved, and I can see I am learning, I am learning to be a mommy. Annabelle is being very patient with me taking on this new role, and I think is secretly getting a kick out of the fact that I am a little bit of a mess more often than not.
So for now, my hair will remain in a bun crammed on top of my head, my make up will consist of last nights moisturizer, and I will choose to spend my moments getting to experience all my girl has to offer!
Because what is better than the moments like these....
friend. you hit this on the head. stupid experts what do they know about what our babies need? i can't fathom that letting a baby wail when you KNOW you can make it stop in an instant, not holding them for fear of "spoiling them" when you know they'd rather be no other place than in your arms, smelling your smell and getting them on a schedule at risk of making them cry and wail and unhappy, when the rest of your life will never be a schedule again anyways makes any sense at all. we're their mommas. we grew them for 9 months (some of us 10!), we know our babies and they know we know them. and they take comfort in it. amen momma. can't wait to see you SOON!
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